top of page

No Heartbeat... :(

Exactly a year today I heard the most painfull words a woman can ever hear...

"There is no heartbeat..."


These few words can turn the happiest and warmest feelings you have ever experienced into the coldest, deepest dark hole where there is nothing else but pain... :(

Within matter of seconds your future and your whole life breaks into the tiniest pieces like a shattered glass...


First time, when I went to my early viability scan (due to bleeding), we saw a tiny little creature with a strong heartbeat, growing happily in my tummy... Never seen such a beautiful thing in my entire life...


But the next scan turned into the worst nightmare...

I was laying on the examination bed waiting for the sonographer to comfort me, that everything is great and baby has a strong heartbeat, growing perfectly... but instead he was quiet... I asked 'Is everything ok?' and the response was 'I am still trying to see...' I was really nervous as it was my first ever pregnancy (my only ever pregnacy so far), never dared to think it can be anything more than 'perfectly fine'...

But then he didn't say all that great things I was waiting for...

He said 'I am really sorry, but there is no heartbeat...'


Hearing those words made me completely paralised... It felt like my soul left my body, my mind was suffocated by the thickest black cloud I have ever seen or felt... I had no control over my body or mind, everything in the room faded away, everything was blur...

I heard people talking to me but it sounded more like noise than anything... I just wanted is to disappear... Sink into the ground like I never existed...






3 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

When our triggers take over our lives...

Once of my probably biggest trigger is NOISE... - When there are too many sounds at the same time, like TV, radio, people on the phone, too many people talking at the same time... sharp noises... or i

bottom of page